Dealing With Narcissism

 

Finding Yourself Again: Healing from Narcissistic and Abusive Relationships

A Supportive, Light-Hearted Guide for Recovery and Rediscovery

By Donna Siggers (28^th January 2026)

A Cup of Tea, a Dash of Humour, and a Journey to Healing

If you’re reading this, odds are you’ve survived the emotional rollercoaster of a narcissistic or abusive relationship—and you deserve a standing ovation. Or you might know someone who has and wish to understand what they endured. This article is here to walk you through the process of healing, combining empathy, understanding, and just enough humour to keep things light. Because, let’s be honest, recovering from the chaos of someone who thinks the world revolves around them could use a little laughter and a lot of reassurance.

We’ll explore how narcissists twist reality to suit their narrative, the insidious effects of gaslighting, and the progressive escalation of abuse. More importantly, we’ll discuss what this means for your perception and mental health, and how you can reclaim your sense of humour, confidence, and self-worth. So, settle in, get comfy, and let’s chat about finding yourself on the other side of the narcissist’s funhouse mirror.

Narcissists: The Masters of Twisting Reality (And the Olympic Gold Medallists of Gaslighting)

Narcissists have a unique talent for rewriting history, denying facts, and distorting your perception. Picture them as stage magicians—except instead of pulling rabbits out of hats, they make your memories disappear and your confidence vanish into thin air. In their world, arguments are never their fault, facts are negotiable, and if you remember something differently, well, your memory must be playing tricks on you.

Events are retold with a dramatic flourish worthy of an amateur Shakespearean actor. Did they forget your birthday? According to them, you never told them when it was—or, even better, you should be grateful they were “busy being amazing elsewhere.” If you catch them out in a lie, they’ll deny it with such conviction you might start to wonder if you dreamt the whole thing. The aim? To dodge accountability and keep their grip on control, all while making you question your own reality.

It’s a bit like playing a board game with someone who keeps changing the rules, who moves the goalposts, and occasionally insists that you’re playing chess when you’re sure you sat down to play Monopoly.

Gaslighting: The Victim’s Perspective (And the Mental Gymnastics It Inspires)

Gaslighting is the narcissist’s favourite sport—one they’ve trained for since childhood, by the looks of things. This psychological manipulation involves denying, minimising, or distorting reality so thoroughly that you begin to question your own sanity. Imagine your partner insisting that you never said something you’re sure you did, or claiming events unfolded entirely differently to how you remember them. After a while, you find yourself apologising for things you didn’t do, and doubting whether you can trust your own thoughts, feelings, or memories.

The effects of gaslighting are relentless. You may start to second-guess yourself in everyday situations—Did I really leave the keys there? Was I being too sensitive? Am I forgetting things more often? Suddenly, your inner monologue is less “I’ve got this!” and more “Has anyone seen my marbles?”

This erosion of self-trust is a cunning tactic, designed to make you dependent on the narcissist’s version of reality. And let’s be honest, their reality is as wobbly as a jelly on a trampoline.

The Progressive Route of Abuse: When Manipulation Escalates

Abusive relationships often start with subtle psychological manipulation—think offhand comments, backhanded compliments, or “jokes” that feel more like pokes. But as time goes on, the manipulation usually ramps up, turning into outright emotional abuse, and in some cases, physical or sexual abuse.

This escalation is rarely sudden. It’s more like boiling a frog (not that we’d recommend that)—the heat rises so slowly that you barely notice. Small criticisms become everyday occurrences; affectionate moments are replaced with put-downs or cold shoulders. What was once occasional is now routine, and before you know it, you’re navigating a minefield of insults, threats, and emotional blackmail.

In the worst cases, psychological abuse gives way to physical intimidation or sexual coercion. While we won’t dwell on graphic details, it’s vital to acknowledge that many survivors experience a spectrum of abuse, each leaving its mark on the psyche and spirit. No matter the form, each act chips away at your sense of safety, worth, and autonomy.

Loss of Trust in Perception: The Narcissist’s Version Becomes Reality

With constant gaslighting and manipulation, trusting your own perception becomes a Herculean task. You might start relying on the narcissist’s account of events, even when it contradicts your own memory or instincts. Their confidence in their version of reality is so unshakeable that you begin to wonder if they’re right after all.

It’s as if you’ve handed over the keys to your mind, allowing them to redecorate as they please—pink flamingo wallpaper where there used to be calm blue, and furniture on the ceiling for good measure. This reliance on the abuser’s narrative can leave you feeling lost, confused, and disconnected from your own truth.

Over time, this erosion of self-trust doesn’t just make you doubt your own judgment—it can leave you feeling like a shadow of your former self, unsure where their story ends and yours begins.

Mental Health Complications: The Ripple Effects on Mind and Wellbeing

It’s no surprise, then, that surviving narcissistic and abusive relationships can have a profound impact on mental health. The constant gaslighting, manipulation, and erosion of self-confidence can lead to conditions such as anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or its lesser-known cousin, complex PTSD (C-PTSD).

These complications might show up as panic attacks before social events (even if it’s just a trip to the corner shop), feeling perpetually on edge, or bouts of sadness that seem to have no end. Nightmares, flashbacks, and insomnia may become unwelcome bedfellows, and everyday tasks can feel insurmountable.

It’s important to know that these responses are not signs of weakness—they’re perfectly normal reactions to abnormal circumstances. Your brain and body have been working overtime to cope with stress and danger, and sometimes they need a bit of extra help to unwind. Seeking support, whether through therapy, support groups, or a trusted friend, can make a world of difference (and might even help you remember where you left your marbles).

The Pathway to Healing: Reclaiming Humour, Perspective, and Trust

Now, for the good news: healing is possible, and you don’t need to do it alone. The journey back to yourself can be challenging, but it’s also a chance to discover just how resilient (and downright brilliant) you are. One of the most powerful tools in your recovery kit is humour—yes, really.

Rediscovering laughter and lightness can help you see things from a fresh perspective, shifting your focus away from the darkness of the past. It’s not about making light of serious experiences, but about using humour as a tool to reframe your mindset. Being able to laugh at how the narcissist always managed to “forget” important events, or how their version of reality was more fiction than fact, can give you a sense of control and distance.

Alongside humour, reclaiming trust in your own perception is essential. Start by celebrating small victories—trusting yourself to remember the correct route home, choosing what you’d like for dinner, or voicing your opinion without fear. These small acts of self-trust build up over time, until your inner compass is pointing true north once again.

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Rediscovering Self: The Joy of Positive Thoughts, Self-Awareness, and Confidence

Leaving an abusive relationship, or even beginning the process of healing, is a bold step towards rediscovering who you are. Your sense of self-awareness, positive thinking, and confidence may have been battered and bruised, but they’re still there—just waiting for a little encouragement.

Reconnect with old hobbies, passions, and interests (even if that means binge-watching your favourite telly show in pyjamas). Surround yourself with supportive people who remind you of your strengths and worth. Journaling, mindfulness, or simply taking the time to reflect on your achievements—no matter how small—can help you rebuild a positive relationship with yourself.

Remember, confidence doesn’t return overnight. It grows slowly, like a daffodil poking its head through a rainy British spring. Every step you take—no matter how wobbly—is a step away from the narcissist’s narrative and towards your own story.

Encouragement, Hope, and a Dash of British Wit for the Road Ahead

Surviving narcissistic and abusive relationships is no small feat, and the road to recovery is paved with challenges, laughter, and plenty of cups of tea or coffee—and definitely not forgetting the chocolate and cake. As you heal, remember that you are not alone, and there’s no deadline for rediscovering yourself. Trust in your ability to laugh again, to see through the twisted narratives, and to rebuild your sense of self from the ground up.

Embrace humour, celebrate your progress, and know that every day is a chance to reclaim your story. With time, support, and a healthy dose of British wit, you’ll find your confidence returning, your self-awareness blossoming, and your positive thoughts shining through. Here’s to you—and to the wonderful journey of healing that lies ahead.